![]() ![]() It’s cautious, a little movement at a time. Only when its system perceives enough safety does the tortoise poke its head slightly out of its shell. When a tortoise perceives a signal of an imminent threat, it retracts its head and limbs inside its shell and becomes invisible. To understand this, let’s think of the tortoise. Instead, our system is primed to take in cues of danger, whether there is an actual threat or not.ĭeb Dana said our nervous system is continually scanning our inner and outer environments and asking: “Am I safe, in this experience/environment, with this person, in this moment?” This inquiry happens at a level below our conscious thought. When the nervous system shuts down to protect us, we’re not physiologically able to look out into the world and pick up signals of safety. Shutting down is a survival response of the dorsal vagal state. Guilt would say, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “There’s something (intrinsically) wrong with me.” Guilt is about my actions. Shame’s loud messages are hard to miss: “I’m to blame.” “It’s my fault.” “I deserved this.” ![]() Shame makes uncertainty which is perceived as a threat to our nervous system, predictable. Our nervous system picks up cues of danger and cannot calm those signals. ![]() Shame gives us a sense of inner control when there is no other way to impact a frightening situation. Unwanted rumination flooded my mind. My nervous system coped with this by blaming and shaming myself: “I should have done more to help my loved one. They stayed too long.Īfter my loved one’s death, my energy took a dive. Old, familiar feelings of abandonment and unworthiness were regular visitors. As a medical power of attorney, I was responsible. Thirty years ago, I witnessed my loved one’s suffering and death. Shame protects vulnerability, a small voice of despair and hopelessness. ![]()
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